When I reflect on previous journal entries like this I start to remember who alone I felt at the time. Not just in the sense of being by myself but in feeling like no one could understand what I was feeling, mainly because I didn’t understand it. I just so uncomfortable and broken and the more I thought about feeling that way the more I felt alone and stuck. I’m reaching a point where I feel like I’m able to breathe again but at the same time, I think it’s important to remember that there was something going on inside of me that I didn’t understand that I tried to ignore and it was wrong. Bottling up those emotions for so long is what changed my sad into broken and that may always be with me now but at least now that it exists and most importantly, I know I’m not broken.
“I feel like I want to crawl out of my own skin. I feel so confused and confined and yet tired and numb and I don’t know I just. I feel like I’m sad but I don’t know what not feeling the way I do right now feels like anymore. Emotionally my life feels like it’s at a low and I feel like I’m stuck and I keep trying to find ways, or tricks, to get out of it but I can’t. I want there to be a simple fix and I just want to be done with this, I want to be at the part that’s suppose to feel like the beginning of building what will make my life feel like happily ever after not the continues vortex of nothing I’m at right now.”